The transmission has arrived. The mechanic is now missing. Turns out he has gone to Nassau and will return in three days. Okay. Three more days? What’s three more days in the grand scheme of things? By the time we leave Chub Cay we will have spent two weeks here, if not more. Only 75 miles from the our first island anchorage, our exploration of these lands has barely be begun.

As the days go by I have noticed things I never in my life noticed before. Surrounded with 360 degrees of bliss, the things that I am focused on and aware of are not what one would expect. With nothing but time, I have been given this opportunity to sit and think more than ever before. To dwell. To ponder. To question. To read. To write. To make music. To exercise. To eat. To drink. To literally sit in one place for hours as my mind races around particular subjects and people. Recurring thoughts and unanswered questions. An abundance of ideas, and plethora of possible plans. All together they consume my time, and by the time I leave here I just may have learned some things about myself.

I want to sell the boat and ride horses to Montana. Maybe I could start a bed and breakfast. How about having a tiny art studio and being a starving painter for the rest of my life. I could use that helicopter license I worked so hard for. Maybe someone would pay me to travel, photograph, and document adventures that few humans choose. But what about the farm? I want a farm. And a coffee shop. I love coffee. I love Louise. Our home which has the potential to take us around the world. Why would I turn back? Who is going to put up with me for the rest of my life? No one will ever be able to keep up. Why has anyone put up with me for this long? How the hell did I get here? What’s going to happen when this journey ends? Will I be broke forever? Does it matter? Do people think we are stupid? Naive? Or brave, and brilliant? How have the choices I have made, led me to become stranded on a tiny Bahamian island? How am I ever going to find an appreciation for life that compares to my current whereabouts? How am I going to re-pay those who have helped us? The rest of our lives will be dedicated to paying-forward to others what has been given to us. I crave a house. I crave comfort. I crave mountains. Safety. While at the exact same time I love nothing more than solitude. Open water. Leaving on a whim. Excited by the unknown. Terrified of being stuck. New people. New places. Constant change of scenery. No one to report to but myself.

I’ve paid attention to what goes in my body, and what comes out. What it looks like when It goes in, and what it looks like when it comes out. How I feel when I eat fish versus chicken. How I feel when I don’t.  How I feel the moment I wake up, and the moment I lay down to sleep at night. Sometimes my body gets rest but my brain doesn’t. Other times it’s the opposite. Katie and I often do activities together but separate. We will go for a walk, or a run. Sometimes 100 feet apart from one another, without speaking. Not because we are fed up with one another, but because it’s nice to be alone, just not completely alone. We spend the whole day apart. Quietly entertaining ourselves. Come six o’clock, we get bored and need each others company. The days silence turns to hours of girl talk.

Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I have just been delayed on an island for one too many days. Or maybe I am completely normal. Life is funny. Life is weird. I do know one thing. If Katie and Reggie were not here to experience this all with me, that would possibly be my first regret in life. As much as I love being on my own, I can’t fathom not being able to reminisce these days with someone when I am 75. Then again, my lifespan will most likely not allow for 75 years if I keep living this crazy life.

16 thoughts on “Stuck on a rock

  1. Hi gals, I saw a picture of you guys with your mast down and a huge flock of sea gull. It was on Cruising news letter.
    As usual, Good Luck

    Tom Eschbaugh

  2. I have to hand it to you girls! I am amazed at your incredible adventure! And absolutely jealous! What you two are doing is incredibly couragiois and I admire your strength to take on an adventure so enormous. It was very nice to meet you in Chubb and I think we were all sad to see Louise had sailed when we awoke the next morning. I can’t wait to see what the world has in store for you. You girls can do anything you set your heart to. We are praying for great weather, and smooth sailing for the rest of your journey!
    Jen

    1. Thank you so much Jennifer, you were all so sweet and I wish we could have all spent some more days together. What a great crew of people you have, and can’t thank you all enough for spoiling us while we were there. Things are going really well, we are now half way down the Exumas and turning around shortly. I hope to run into you all again, preferably in Chub where we can drink rum punch again : )

  3. Have you thought about meditating? You have the perfect opportunity to quiet all this chatter. It’s very simple, just breath in, breath out. Calm the body, calm the mind, calm the cravings.

  4. Sorry to hear the transmission has taken so long to have repaired. We met the first night you arrived in Chub.. We were on the Una Mas.. Good luck!

  5. I am reminded of a quote I like very much after reading your last post – “A Mind That Is Stretched By New Experience Can NEVER Go Back To its Old Dimensions” – Oliver Holmes

    Hold in there, take more pictures, write more notes and thoughts and absorb every second you can. Who knows where you’ll be in a month or 6 months from now? Just enjoy every second you can right now in the moment

  6. Jessie – the life you are living will add years to 75! My Uncle retired at 60 in 1970–his life expectancy then was 75 yrs. For the next 30 years he and my Aunt traveled the world over. On June 9 we will celebrate with him his 103rd Birthday. You are on the right tract!!!

  7. My favorite quote is “life is not a dress rehearsal’. I’m in my fifties and looking forward to quite a few more. The rumination and constant questioning will probably never end, nor should it. Have fun and don’t sweat the small stuff

  8. Hi Girls…We here at The Cottage Love reading about your adventures…So SORRY to hear about the engine problems. Hope things start moving along for you girls.

  9. Love what you write always Jessie! I miss you guys but I look forward to every post. Sometimes all we can do in life is just breathe and deal what’s in front of us. Don’t look too far ahead. Someday you will long for these days again. Love you guys and miss you both!

  10. Wow, what an inspiration your blog has brought to me 🙂 I love how you wrote about everything that was going through your mind, you were definitely in the best state of mind for greatest creativity.

    I recently read about your blog on yahoo news and I never write on anyone’s page, but it has been amazing to read your stories and I wanted to send you my west wishes from Seattle, WA.

    I’m 2 weeks away from closing on the purchase of my cruising sailboat, a dream I’ve had for over 20 years and is finally materializing 🙂 all I can dream of right now is about the south pacific, mediterranean, and the caribbean. We live in a beautiful world 🙂

    Let me know if you ever come up with a book and I’ll be one of the first fans to buy it right away! 🙂

    Chears, and best of luck, you’re experiencing what millions in this planet DREAM of doing, but only the bravest and most creative souls reach for the true experience.

    David A. Eckols 🙂

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