The transmission has arrived. The mechanic is now missing. Turns out he has gone to Nassau and will return in three days. Okay. Three more days? What’s three more days in the grand scheme of things? By the time we leave Chub Cay we will have spent two weeks here, if not more. Only 75 miles from the our first island anchorage, our exploration of these lands has barely be begun.
As the days go by I have noticed things I never in my life noticed before. Surrounded with 360 degrees of bliss, the things that I am focused on and aware of are not what one would expect. With nothing but time, I have been given this opportunity to sit and think more than ever before. To dwell. To ponder. To question. To read. To write. To make music. To exercise. To eat. To drink. To literally sit in one place for hours as my mind races around particular subjects and people. Recurring thoughts and unanswered questions. An abundance of ideas, and plethora of possible plans. All together they consume my time, and by the time I leave here I just may have learned some things about myself.
I want to sell the boat and ride horses to Montana. Maybe I could start a bed and breakfast. How about having a tiny art studio and being a starving painter for the rest of my life. I could use that helicopter license I worked so hard for. Maybe someone would pay me to travel, photograph, and document adventures that few humans choose. But what about the farm? I want a farm. And a coffee shop. I love coffee. I love Louise. Our home which has the potential to take us around the world. Why would I turn back? Who is going to put up with me for the rest of my life? No one will ever be able to keep up. Why has anyone put up with me for this long? How the hell did I get here? What’s going to happen when this journey ends? Will I be broke forever? Does it matter? Do people think we are stupid? Naive? Or brave, and brilliant? How have the choices I have made, led me to become stranded on a tiny Bahamian island? How am I ever going to find an appreciation for life that compares to my current whereabouts? How am I going to re-pay those who have helped us? The rest of our lives will be dedicated to paying-forward to others what has been given to us. I crave a house. I crave comfort. I crave mountains. Safety. While at the exact same time I love nothing more than solitude. Open water. Leaving on a whim. Excited by the unknown. Terrified of being stuck. New people. New places. Constant change of scenery. No one to report to but myself.
I’ve paid attention to what goes in my body, and what comes out. What it looks like when It goes in, and what it looks like when it comes out. How I feel when I eat fish versus chicken. How I feel when I don’t. How I feel the moment I wake up, and the moment I lay down to sleep at night. Sometimes my body gets rest but my brain doesn’t. Other times it’s the opposite. Katie and I often do activities together but separate. We will go for a walk, or a run. Sometimes 100 feet apart from one another, without speaking. Not because we are fed up with one another, but because it’s nice to be alone, just not completely alone. We spend the whole day apart. Quietly entertaining ourselves. Come six o’clock, we get bored and need each others company. The days silence turns to hours of girl talk.
Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I have just been delayed on an island for one too many days. Or maybe I am completely normal. Life is funny. Life is weird. I do know one thing. If Katie and Reggie were not here to experience this all with me, that would possibly be my first regret in life. As much as I love being on my own, I can’t fathom not being able to reminisce these days with someone when I am 75. Then again, my lifespan will most likely not allow for 75 years if I keep living this crazy life.